Tag Archives: wicked wednesday

Maybe I wrote in invisible ink… “Invisible Ink” by Aimee Mann

Dear Diary, I did not want to tell him, I was going to do it all by myself. There were so many reasons, and I was almost fine to do it by myself. But I told him, I told him because he is my partner. I toLd him because it is…was ours and ours alone.

Rafe looked surprised, but not in the way I expected him to. I did not make my decision because I thought there was no chance. Or because I thought he would not make the decisions that I did. He looked surprised, but soft. He put his his hand on my stomach, but there was nothing there.

There was nothing now.

He said he would do whatever I wanted, that it was ours and whatever I wanted. What did I want? I was scared, I was happy, I was everything I could have been expected to be and nothing at all at the same time.

I lie down on Carla’s couch, silent, with my eyes closed thinking. Remembering as a little girl fantasizing about this very thing. About a special guy, about the ceremony with flowers and this very thing.

Rafe promised whatever I wanted he wanted and supported, and held me. He said he would be there, he never said that I had to…but I did…I do not know how to explain, but I had to…

Margaux put her fountain pen down, when the ink splattered with a tear from her eye. She reread what she wrote, and gulped. Without thinking about it, she ripped the pages out of her Moleskin.

She was sure she would not want to see those words again. If she needed to remember, her own nervous script would be memorized in her head and if she lost her memory…

She would be at peace…

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moleskin via wikipedia

Polly watched Oscar reading the complimentary English newspapers on the edge of her bed. She had woken up later than him, and was still naked under the covers. They had made it to her bed, after a very long night…

“Hand me the art section?” she asked sleepily.

The auction was later that evening, and she wanted to read everything about it in the paper. Polly was surprised when instead of handing her the newspaper, Oscar placed the paper on his lap and caressed her face.

“You’re beautiful…” he said, and she closed her eyes.

Polly rolled onto her back, and Oscar covered her within seconds. She gripped his back pulling him more to her. Her body remembered and relished him as a lover, and her mind was clear. Colin had told her that she could do whatever she wanted with Oscar, that it would make their relationship stronger. But Polly felt that she was not over Oscar, and she could not read his mind but he was making love to her like it mattered.

The newspaper crumbled under him, as he rolled onto his back, and she rolled on top of him. Oscar smiled, then kissed her. Polly sucked on his bottom lip, her fist landing onto the crumpled newspaper. She smiled as she realized what was happening between them was the latest news.

“Why are you smiling?” he asked her, tracing her lips with his finger.

“Secret smile,” she said, and felt said smile widen on her face.

“I’ll tickle it out of you!”
“You know I am not ticklish, that must be one of your other girls Jack…”
“You pretend not to be ticklish, and I give up because it is not fun after awhile…”

“I missed you,” Polly said without guile, again trying to read his face.

“I missed you…” He kissed her neck, and Polly closed her eyes as his mouth moved over her body with the intention to mark…

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new york times via wikipedia

Eliza wished she could blame what had happened on the alcohol she had imbibed with Rafe and Margaux, but she knew that she was going to call Oscar before the night was out. The time difference in Shanghai, was such that it was completely different times of day for them. But she wanted to talk to him.

“So did you fuck her?” she asked him, trying to sound nonchalant. 

“You are you asking if I fucked my ex-girlfriend?” Oscar asked her, mirroring her nonchalance.

Eliza gulped. If he had fucked someone brand new, it would not have been as painful as it would if he had fucked Polly. Polly was a threat because he had really loved her, and she knew that if he was not with her anymore it did not mean that he did not love her. Polly had not been a casual fling, Eliza was not even sure Oscar had those, no matter what he alluded to. He had only been with her and Polly, in the time that she knew him.

“Yes, I am asking exactly that.”

“I want to fuck her,” Oscar said. “I want to touch her, being here with her makes me think of when we were together. And then you, texting me while you are with your fiancé and his other.”

“I was thinking about you, I miss you…”

Oscar said nothing, and she followed suit with him. Said nothing because she was not sure what to say.

“I have missed you every day since I met you…”

“Oscar…”

“Eliza? Every day since I met you…”

“Oscar, don’t–”

“First I thought I was never going to see you again, then I did and then we started this and there was always something. Always something to keep you from me…”

Her head spun at the memories of how their relationship had started. It had been difficult, but she had always…

“I love you,” she whispered, tears blowing across her lips.

“I love you…”

Her chest heaved when she hung up the phone.

Why was love so heavy, that it weighed her down to the ground?

Rafe held her close in bed, and she was happy that his arm was about her waist so he could not feel her tears, along his arm…

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alcohol via f dot leonora

Eliza had gotten to feel smug at the beach with Margaux, but she was not expecting that Margaux would have a trump card.

In the gourmet cafe they went to for dessert, Margaux was on the cover of one of the upscale magazines they sold. Eliza had thought that she only did modern day noir and pulp photography. But apparently she was also doing edible photography–what else could she call the photograph of Margaux covered with chocolate on those glossy pages?

Rafe stared at the magazine for a long time after he picked it up. Eliza could not keep her eyes off of it either, and stood beside him. Rafe’s gorgeous hand with veins bulging, lingered holding the cover and then skipped pages to see the entire spread with pictures of Margaux and her chocolate covered parts of her.

There was one in particular which had a close up of her leg beside a cupcake. It was close up enough, that the cupcake was not necessarily the edible of choice. Rafe caressed the tip of the page, and Eliza put her hand over his. He turned toward her, but she did not look at him or Margaux, choosing to look at the chocolate covered Margaux in the magazine.

“It was a hard shoot,” Margaux confessed to them later, modestly scraping chocolate from the bottom of her plate. “But it was a challenge, and I love to be someone else in the moment…”

Margaux sucked on the prongs of her fork, and looked back and forth between Eliza and Rafe.

“You are amazing,” Rafe said, without reservation.

Eliza nodded, and looked at Margaux finally. She placed her hand on Margaux’s.

“You are amazing…” Eliza practically whispered. “The photographs are amazing.”

“Thank you both…” Margaux answered shyly.

Eliza studied Margaux’s mouth, and wondered if her lips retained some of the chocolate that covered them in her photos. If when Rafe kissed her, she tasted like chocolate.

Margaux continued to suck on the spoon as if its marrow was chocolate. She and Margaux smiled at each other, and Eliza was sure that she could feel Rafe smiling at them.

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chocolate via wikipedia

Eliza slathered sunscreen on herself to prevent sunburn, even though she was under a tent at the beach. Margaux was always polite when she was around her, but Eliza knew that she was staring at her. At her face, at her body, at the ring on her finger…

Her engagement ring was beautiful, it was often ogled and she was proud that people did so. Both she and Rafe idly caressed the ring when they sat side by side. It was never off of her hand since he proposed to her, except when she was doing extensive washing…or the time that they broke up. It was the first thing that he returned to her when they reconciled. It warmed the base of her finger when she it back on.

And she barely took it off since.

Margaux looked at the ring, and at Eliza’s thigh where her ring was on display. Eliza caressed her leg, and smiled at Margaux.

“Glad that you could come out today to the beach with us.”

“My pleasure,” Margaux cooed.

Rafe walked over to them, with a smile on his face, and glasses of champagne. He handed a glass to Eliza, and then to Margaux. Margaux smiled softly, and Eliza looked down at her own phone where she had just received a text from Oscar. If he had been in town, she would have invited him. That was why Margaux was here, to get closer to her because Rafe was seeing her and did not want either of them to feel awkward.

“Thank you,” Eliza said, before she took a sip of champagne.

“Thank you,” Margaux parroted her.

In a surprising move, Margaux rested her head on Eliza’s feet and Eliza could not help but caress her head. Could not help but to run her hands through her Margaux’s hair…

Rafe looked down at them with a smile, and Eliza smiled up at him.

While she one-handedly texted Oscar.

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beach via wikipedia

If there’s no way we can be together, then…Margaux thought to herself.

If there was no way that she could be with Rafe, why did she keep finding herself with him? It was so random to find him in Times Square, but she did. She always found him.

They had gone back to his office, they barely even agreed upon it. It was either go there, or they were going to have sex in the back of his car. Not that Rafe would have minded having sex in the back of the car, it was more for her why they went to his office. For her modesty…the driver would wait for them downstairs.

And he would know…

For the first time ever, Margaux saw her reflection in the window of his dim office, and really saw how much she looked like Myrna Loy. At least her silhouette. Rafe pulled her by the hair to draw her to him, and she whimpered. She wanted him so much, had wanted him so much. She stayed away from him because she was so afraid of this…Afraid of abandoning her good sense so that she could be with him.

Anywhere.

Afraid of being bare-assed on his desk top with his floor to ceiling glass windows, even in the dark. Because someone in one of the tall residential buildings across the way, would be able to make out that it was her bare ass. That her legs stretched apart were not wings, but her opening to desire.

Rafe pulled her dress up over her head, and naked she moved with him. She wrapped her legs about him, and he moved more into her. It was not completely dark in his office because of the light outside and around the it. Margaux had not even asked him if anyone was still there working. At this point, she did not care, as she felt herself stick to a piece of paper under her. It was drenched with her wetness.

When his lips were not on hers, she parted them like a fish—for breath, as a silent mantra or something she did not know how to define. Rafe placed his lips over hers like a matching fish, and she had giggled.

She was not giggling now—she was in love, and it was not a laughing matter…

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goldfish via wikipedia

“I wish I could turn around and start over…” Oscar said, when he got into the car beside Polly. Polly stared at him, the way that she used to before they ever got together. Her haughty indifference, was worth far more than her acting hurt.

The night before, she had spent the with Colin. His brand of lovemaking satisfied her in way that no other kind had. Their love was far from perfect, but the physical side of their love was irreplaceable for her.

But she would be a liar if she tried to say that being in the limo with Oscar would have no affect on her.

“Do you still love him?” Colin had asked her that morning, when she was getting dressed. She was topless, and his eyes were fixed on her modest breasts.

“Of course I still love him in some kind of way…” she shrugged. “But he left me for Eliza, and I left him because of you…”

Colin pressed his lips to her neck. He looked at their faces in the mirror.

“I think you should explore everything with him. You should see where you are, it will make us purer…” e said, wrapping his arms about her. “I am not afraid of him you know, and I need you to know that. I will love you regardless. I always have…”

Polly felt like he was looking at her and Oscar in the car now. She touched her breast through her sheer blouse, as if she were him.

“There is nothing to start again,” she whispered. “I could have gotten out of this, right before the sale too? But I am here.”

Oscar looked at her softly.

“I know.”

Polly looked out of the window. She did not want her own estrangement to be as painful as Alice’s. Alice’s break from Fiona, had her questioning everything and she talked to her about it ad nauseum. She and Alice were close friends as well as colleagues forever, so she listened. Listened to Alice so she would not be tempted to talk about Oscar…Oscar looking the way he looked beside her. The last time they were in a limo together…

She closed her eyes. A tear escaped to just the top of her cheek, and she rubbed it away just as quickly as it had arrived there.

Her past was far too close and tempting…
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limo interior via wikipedia