In the Darkness

Eliza watched Bibi play with a gorgeous pendant that was a family heirloom to Alessandra. Alessandra had taken it off of her neck when her daughter pointed to it, and handed it to the little girl. The night before when they had been driven to Alessandra’s house, Eliza had not expected the house to be as historical and immense as it was. No wonder she was able to be so gracious to invite all of them to be there with her. 

Eliza got out of the car flanked by Alessandra, Oscar and him. Emmanuel still felt like him—even though she had been talking to him the entire night. She was shaking a bit as she walked toward the house, and hoped no one would notice. She was so nervous around him—she had not been that nervous around a man in a long time. All of the men in her life were men she was close to and very intimate with emotionally. Emmanuel took her hand suddenly, and she looked at him in the dark. 

He pulled her out to where the trees were as they were in the countryside now. 

“They are going to notice we are gone,” she said.

“I want to show you something,” his hoarse reply trilled between her legs. 

She could do nothing but follow him. He squeezed her hand and as it was completely dark, she held his hand tightly because he was her vision in the darkness.

Then he let go of her hand, and his lips on her mouth were her sight. Her hands searched his chest, going inside his shirt. She felt his nipple harden which she caressed softly, and he groaned muttering in Italian.

Eliza shifted as she kissed him because she was so swollen between her legs. Her lips were swollen and she could feel how wet they were like they were softly smacking against her inner thighs.

Bibi dropped the pendant, and her lips quivered. Eliza bent to pick it up and showed her daughter the pendant was not broken or damaged. Her little girl smiled and took the pendant back. 

Eliza felt herself swell again from thinking about Emmanuel.

 

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Primavera

Eliza had not had a night like this for a long time. Alessandra knew how to throw an opening party. It was a bit of deja vu because she and Oscar had been to openings together before, including the infamous one in Shanghai when they realized they were deeply in love…

Tonight she danced with him, the music moved through them as Alessandra joined them. Their arms held each other up like a fragment of Botticelli’s Primavera. Jeanne had gone back to Alessandra’s house with Bibi, which she was so kind to share with them even though they were staying at a hotel. That allowed Eliza to be on the dance floor with them as a part of a threesome, until Oscar and Alessandra floated away their arms still up in the air. Eliza continued to move to the pounding beat of the music. 

He appeared, and she was not even sure where he came from, but he was gorgeous and moving to the pounding beat that seemed intuitive to him. The enticing new man smiled at her, and it was like discovering electricity throughout her body. 

“You are a really good dancer, I saw you with Alessa—are you one of her muses?” he asked.

“No!” She burst out laughing. “Are you?”

He blinked rapidly before he shook his head.

“Not anymore…”

“Oh, well you are beautiful…”

Eliza bit her lip.

“So are you…so are you…” he repeated surveying her entire body. Eliza could have been offended, but she was not.

They moved into a single rhythm, as they danced together. Pounded together really. She was damp with sweat. The sweat even blinded her, as she felt his hands on her hips and she moved with him.

“Eliza!” Alessandra came over with Oscar whose arms were folded across his chest. “You have met Emmanuel!”

Eliza did not know his name, but she could not deny that she had indeed met him. 

Emmanuel nodded at her, and walked away with Alessandra.

“You could practice some self-control!” Oscar snapped at her, taking her hand. “You are someone’s mother sweating on the dancefloor with a man you do not even know!”

“”Well I was dancing with you two, what does that make me?”

Oscar looked enraged, Eliza was not sure why and she wanted no part of it as she walked off the dancefloor.

“Eliza!” he called, but she did not turn around.

“Leaving so soon?” Emmanuel put his hand on her hips again and Eliza looked up at him, her mouth open as she tried to decide what she was going to do.

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primavera via wikipedia

Missed Connections

Eliza let out a deep sigh when she saw that they had missed their connection. It was the first time they were leaving to go somewhere in a long time, and their flight was delayed in New York. Now she and Jeanne sat with Bibi. If Jeanne had not encouraged her, she would not even have made an effort to go anywhere. But Jeanne was going with Terrence and it was too tempting since Paris had brought her nothing but love and pleasure. Bibi was on Jeanne’s lap, and Eliza looked up and saw Alessandra. Oscar had told her jokingly she might run into her because she had a show there but Eliza never imagined…

“Hi Eliza,” Alessandra said, and kissed both of her cheeks. Eliza smiled, but she was taken aback by seeing the other woman. Well she was not really the other woman, but she was the woman that Oscar was seeing and…

“Oscar joked with me that I might see you,” Alessandra said, and looked at Eliza wide-eyed. “He is always talking about you…”

Eliza resisted a smile of triumph. There was not a competition, they were not competing for him. If he wanted to be with Alessandra, Eliza would support him. She was married to Rafe after all, and Oscar had supported her to the moon and back.

“He talks a lot about you.” Eliza said, and she saw Alessandra’s eyes shine. “He is a remarkable man, and he makes remarkable connections.”

Alessandra grinned at her, and Eliza felt that she was making a different kind of connection as she had missed her original connection.

“You should come to the party we are having opening night for my show…Oscar is flying in…”

“I would love to, but my sister…”

“Is invited too, and your daughter? I would love a little girl there!”

“Then yes, absolutely.”

How could she say no?

 

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The Forest

“So you are totally still in love with Eliza,” Alessandra smiled as she pulled off her blouse, and looked at Oscar. She picked up her phone, and took a picture of herself. She studied him as she played with the effects on Snapchat for her image. She was careful with her social media. Topless nudes and other ephemera for Snapchat. Pouty painted lips, art hers and other artists and playful commentary for her Instagram.

He looked at her, and as soon as he opened his mouth to speak she covered his lips with her fingers. She did not want to hear what he had to say, her question was rhetorical. What she wanted was his lips against hers. As she squeezed his lips, she drew closer to him and pressed her lips to his. His lips were warm and moved between her fingers. She moved her fingers away, and he kissed so she almost forgot her rhetorical question.

But not completely. 

But his kiss made her forget a lot, made her forget to ask more questions, made her forget the things that she wanted to forget why she was with him in the first place. They pulled apart for a moment to look at each other, and were drawn back into each other in the next moment like breath.

But even in his kiss, even in his arms, Alessandra was lost. His tongue in her mouth, her tongue in his was running through the forest without any idea where she was going but knowing she needed to run.

Panting and breathless like she was indeed running, she held onto him like the trunk of a redwood to steady herself.

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forest via wikipedia

Framed

Eliza looked at the picture in the frame. She had been so surprised when she got the print from Alessandra Wagnall, because she had followed her career for a long time and the print was one that she had admired. Oscar got it for her as a gift right after her miscarriage, and it was something beautiful that she loved to gaze at and even Bibi loved when she held her up so she could see it.

Flash forward to the present, Alessandra Wagnall was in her apartment. Alessandra was a force of nature, and it was clear that Oscar was besotted. 

Eliza hated herself for feeling jealous when Oscar had a new lover, but she couldn’t help it. Especially since this woman’s print had been given to her as a gift to soothe her after a miscarriage that could have been Oscar’s baby. And after every earth-shattering break-up he had they got closer to each other. Had she ever been as close to him as she was now?

Alessandra was lovely nonetheless, and she could not help but be swept up by her herself.

“I had to bring something to make for you since you were so kind to have me over,” Alessandra said.

“But I have food for you,” Eliza smiled. “I promise!”

“I wanted to make you some dessert, and there is always room for more of that!” Alessandra smiled, and held Eliza’s hand. There was something in the way she held her hand, and the way that they smiled at each other that made Eliza nod and let Alessandra take over her kitchen.

They were all drinking wine after dinner, and that was when Rafe came home. Alessandra charmed him as well, and he raised his eyebrows at Eliza. She and her husband had a silent exchange.

“She is lovely,” he said to her in the kitchen, and Eliza nodded,

“She is.”

“Oscar’s newest?” 

Eliza nodded and cut the edge of her finger with the wine opener she suddenly couldn’t manage. 

Bandaged finger in tow, they walked back into the living room, Eliza observed Oscar and Alessandra sitting together as lovely as any couple painted in a frame. Speaking their own silent language…

 

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Present

Rafe held Bibi close to his knees. She was looking at Eliza who was playing with her daughter’s hair, and otherwise engaging the little girl making her giggle. He was pretty sure that Bibi was the only thing that was keeping Eliza sane after the miscarriage. They had not been there at the time, but Oscar was.

Oscar was always there.

He was not there now, because he went to get noodles for Eliza, which Rafe did not understand her obsession with eating noodles since those were the very noodles that she was eating when the miscarriage started. When she got up and went to the bathroom as she told him and saw the bleeding.

“And I knew,” she said. “I knew right away what was happening.” she told him when they were alone and had put Bibi to bed together. 

They were sitting together in the living room, he had made tea for them and she had her head on his lap. 

She was still close to him, that was not the issue. They had not made love yet since–his decision. He did not want to rush her. But they were close to each other all of the time. He took some time off to be with her.

He thought she would be alone, but he didn’t realize how much time Oscar would be there with her. The first day, Oscar gave her a bouquet–which he placed next to the bouquet that he had given her. It looked like they were in a florist shop because he kept bringing them for her and so did Oscar but they decided it seemed quietly to both smother her a bit.

But Eliza did not even need it, the only thing she seemed focused on was Bibi. The three of them would have dinner often in the evening. Oscar or Rafe cooking, and then one of them would get wine. And the three of them would drink and talk. It was becoming their norm, but Rafe felt bad that he had not been there and that Oscar had been. He was her husband, it was their baby, he should have been there.

“Rafe, where are you? You look so far away…” Eliza asked.


“I am right here,” he said as Bibi ran from him to take a peek outside the window. “Right here with you.”

 

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Darkest Darkness

“Let me just be here with you,” Oscar held Eliza’s hand in the darkness, and felt her quake underneath his touch.

He could not explain it, but he knew that he needed to see her that day. Their visit had started happily, she was glowing when he saw her and they sat and ate noodles that he had gotten for them which was something they loved to share. 

“Excuse me,” Eliza had said to him quietly, and the words stung in his memory now. She was in the bathroom for a long while and he got up instinctively to look after her. The door was not closed, and he saw her looking at her panties. It looked like she had gotten her period, so he went back to where he was sitting and ate more noodles.

When she finally returned to him, she said.

“I have to go to the hospital.”

“What is wrong?” he stood up, concerned and went to her.

She looked at him, and he realized she looked paler than she had when he first saw her.

“I think I am having a miscarriage.”

“You’re pregnant?” His surprise was not hidden.

She nodded without looking up at him.

He thought there was something different about her, but he had not been able to place it. 

“I’ll come with you,” he said when she did not answer.

She nodded again.

They got into a car, and headed to the hospital. The math that raced through his head as they drove through the city, let Oscar know that this baby he did not know about could be his.

But he said nothing because it currently looked like there was not going to be a baby.

He stayed with her the entire time, and went home with her after the doctor prescribed her medication to help induce the miscarriage.

Eliza did not turn the lights on when she got home, and Oscar did not put them on.

“Let me be with you,” he said taking her hand. Rafe and Bibi were gone until later that evening. He did not want her alone.

She nodded.

They sat in the darkest darkness that Oscar had ever been in.

 

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Retro: Blogger’s Choice

A friend of mine asked me for my blog address so she could get caught up. It made me smile that she wanted to get caught up, and I told her that I had been writing this story since 2014 (!!!), that it would be a lot to read and she still wanted to. And then I thought to myself that this story is kind of “in” me. Eliza has been thinking a lot about her and Oscar, and there is one scene with them that I keep thinking about since I wrote it. It feels so integral to the latest chapter with them…so please indulge the blogger’s choice! To me, it is thought of as “the birthday party.”

Eliza’s motivation when she invited Oscar over to the party, and in general up to this point was she had wanted him to be close to Bibi. She was not completely sure that he could not have been her daughter’s father but she knew how she planned on raising her.

But Oscar had not resisted in calling her on it over and over again—his speculations about it. But none of that mattered now as he pressed her to the wall in the dark room, slipped inside her and she could not catch her breath from the shock and the pleasure. They made love like a detailed mechanism engineered to perfection. Their bodies moved as if they were meant to do this together all the time and they moved like they like a sleek, shiny machine.

But with feeling.

He did not let her go as they moved apart, and he made her look at him so she looked into his eyes disheveled and still breathing heavy from their lovemaking.

“Eliza…” he breathed, and kept looking at her.

“I have to go back—the cake…”

Eliza adjusted her clothes and her hair and kissed Oscar before she walked out the sound of her heels like thunder in the otherwise silence and went to get the decorative cake. It was multi-colored and said Bibi with flowers. She put a multi-colored candle on top, and walked out into the dimmed room that lit up when she walked in. Oscar and Rafe were with Bibi, who squealed when she saw her as she always did when she saw her mother. Cooing and laughing, she glowed like a little angel over the cake as she, Oscar and Rafe blew out the candles on the cake.

What wishes had been made? Eliza mused as the sweet birthday smoke hit her nostrils.

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Fate

Bibi was getting so big, Eliza thought as she wrapped her arms about her daughter. Her mini version — that was what Rafe called her — did indeed look just like her and melted into her embrace. Looking at their reflections in the mirror, Eliza saw the uncanny resemblance between them and wondered what her new baby would look like.

Even before she peed on a stick, Eliza knew herself well enough to know she was pregnant again. And again she was uncertain who had fathered her baby. 

She and Rafe had been exclusive mainly, but it was like Oscar was always there. Especially since Cleo had left him. Eliza had gone to console him several times, and she ended up in bed with him practically instinctively a few of those times. The dynamic between them was such that they always ended up being intimate even if they had not been for a long time. And she had been trying to get pregnant again, with her Rafe. She was not supposed to be able to get pregnant when she was with Oscar, but she still wondered. She monitored her ovulation like a spectator sport, she had been with him when she should not have been able to but what if?

They had wanted each other so much, why was it that he was sad about another woman and yet they got closer? It hurt her that he could not be happy with another woman, and that was it.

“The happiest I have ever been with a woman was—is you. Even as mercurial as our relationship is…” He had confessed to her. 

They were always there for each other. When she was nervous before she married Rafe he appeared, and anytime he was down she was there. She loved him—they loved each other. What happened between them was physical, but it was more than that. Like a renewal of their connection, it was fate that they were meant to be together over and over.

Some people could not find one true love, and she had two…

Bibi looked at her like she knew her secret, and she pressed her daughter ever closer to her.

 

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Retro: Behind Closed Doors

Sometimes even an author is not allowed behind the closed doors of her characters when they are going through something. I know Eliza has been talking a lot with Oscar, but Cleo has been a little more elusive…

This is a retro post from last year—what a difference a year makes! 

 

Rafe smirked at Eliza, and she stuck her tongue out at him. Her focus was on setting the table for their intimate dinner party.

She and Oscar had talked shortly after seeing each other in the cafe. He needed to know that she did not judge him, and she needed to know that they were still friends. Their conversation was extensive, and to show good faith she invited him and Chloe over to have dinner with her and Rafe.

“Everything looks lovely, Liza,” Rafe said, pulling her close to him.

He still held her close when they let in Oscar and Chloe. Oscar held Chloe’s hand protectively, and Chloe smiled shyly as a greeting.

Oscar told Eliza that he had told Chloe about them, and Eliza wanted Chloe to know that she was not a threat. When Chloe sat down, it was clear that Sally or someone had raised a very elegant young woman. Chloe had perfect table manners, and though she did not touch Oscar, but her feelings for him were clear. She avoided looking at Eliza and Rafe, which troubled Eliza.

By dessert, Chloe leaned close to Oscar and he caressed her bare arm absently.

When Chloe got up to go to the bathroom, Eliza followed her. Chloe looked stricken when she saw Eliza’s reflection in the mirror.

“Hi,” Eliza said, making eye contact with the younger woman in the mirror.

Chloe smiled back at her reflection, before she walked past Eliza. Unlike with her Chloe’s mother when she came to her apartment, Eliza took Chloe’s arm,

“I am not the enemy.”

Chloe nodded, and Eliza was not sure that she believed her.

Apparently she did, because that was the first of many couples’ dinners that the four of them had. Chloe began to open up more and more, which made Eliza happy. She even started to talk to Rafe. Chloe’s conversations with Rafe were such that she spent more time with him almost than she did with the rest of them.

Eliza did not mind, she knew her husband was sexy, and she knew he liked the attention as well.

“Are you okay?” Oscar asked her, and she was aware that they were staring at their partners with each other.

Eliza nodded, and Oscar took her hand.

“I know that women are atrracted to my husband, that nothing is wrong with a little flirting.”

“You think they are flirting?” he questioned.

“What do you think?”

Eliza was not sure what to think herself, but looking at Chloe and her husband she was not sure what kind of complication that this would make…

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