Author Archives: F DOT LEONORA

Fernande pressed her lips together. She had just sucked on the neck of a soda bottle, and Rafe could not keep his eyes off of her.
“Is my lipstick still smudged?”
Pressing her lips together and not even looking at him, Rafe looked at her glorious naked body which he had just been inside of. Her sugar plum lips looked amazing to him, as did her ass which stuck out as she bent in front if the full-length mirror.
Fernande sighed, and turned around to look at him. Seeing her full breasts almost made him hard again.
“You little pervert!” she laughed and pulled her halter dress over her head. “You can stay here if you like, nobody is here.”
Rafe stood up and kissed her, his hands on her breasts. He was not as shy as he had been when they were first together. It was his first time and he was nervous, but he knew he did not want it to go as quickly as some of his friends said it had went for them.
He caressed Fernande slowly and even though he did not think she was expecting much, he thought he pleased her a great deal more than she expected. He caressed her, and told her she was beautiful over and over. It was Fernande that grabbed him and caressed first his head, and then his shaft until he thought he would spontaneously combust. The first seconds inside of her, it was nothing like his hand or anything that he could have imagined.
He’d buried his face in her hair after, buried himself in her because he was in love. He’d been so in love with Fernande.
Fernande was his first love. Sandrine was his first real love. Maybe it was the lessons of free love that he learned from Fernande, that made him feel that he did not need to be tied down to anyone. Maybe because he had loved, and been kept at a distance.
He could still see Sandrine walking away from him in the bar hours earlier, now he was sitting at the bar and waiting for Eliza.
Eliza walked in, he could smell her sweet scent even before she was close to him, he had memorized her scent, sweet and floral.
She walked over to the bar, kissed him after cradling his face in both of her hands.
“Hey you,” she said caressing his cheek, and looking in his eyes.
Eliza was his first mature love, she had gotten the best of him. The best he could ever be, he had been with Eliza. And even that was not perfect.
He had just been texting Severine. Drunk texting, and he probably told her he loved her which was not a lie because he did love her. He did love her in a sort of way…
He kissed Eliza, her lips tasted of cigarettes and perfume. It was an odd mix, but he accepted it on her.
“I love you,” he said putting his phone down. He caressed her cheek and kissed her. Juicy fruit and scotch invaded their kiss, Rafe opened his eyes. On his phone was a picture of Severine’s lips, round as a cloud which made him think about them moving up and down his shaft. He closed his eyes again, and Eliza’s softness and eagerness made him forget about everything else around him.
For the moment.

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red lips via wiki commons

Her name was Fernande, and she was as elusive as the painting or sculpture that Picasso created. Equally as beautiful, if not more so. Rafe was a junior when he first saw her, and he was obsessed with her immeadiately. The pretty senior was popular, and most of the boys in the school wanted her. He was never under the illusion that he could be with her, but he could not stop thinking about her. Her milk chocolate hair and eyes were as seductive as the real thing.
His parents were driving him to study hard in school, and he did. Harder, hoping that he would stop thinking about Fernande.
Fernande was dating someone anyway, so all of their teenage fantasies were very unlikely to come true. She was practically married…or so everyone thought. Her breakup from her boyfriend was bigger news than the senior prom. Everybody was talking about it, and boys hoped that they would be the one that she replaced her ex with. Rafe was in the library as usual–with his glasses, this was before his contacts–and she walked in. She walked past him, her scent a rosy juicy fruit, a combination of her perfume and the gum she chewed.
Rafe was hard almost as soon as she sat down, and he hated his teenage body so much right then. He could not get up and when she sat closer to him and looked at him, he really knew he could not get up.
“Your name is Rafe, right?”
He nodded.
“Are you mute?”
Rafe adjusted his glasses and looked at her.
“No.”
“Rafe, then? Well you know who I am? My ex hated guys like you, but I have to say, you are kind of cute for a geek with glasses. Take them off?”
Rafe took off his glasses. What was more startling: that she was talking to him, staring at him or that she was even more pretty up close?
Fernande was kissing close to him, he was not sure he could breathe.
“You are kind of a stud without your glasses. Want to go to the prom with me?”
Everything in his life from that moment on was like being inside of a dream. He had to buy a tuxedo with his dad, and a corsage for Fernande.
Fernande looked like something out of a Botticelli, her body as lovely as an Ingres. He feared that something would happen to him at the prom, that he was being used but to be used by Fernande was fine with him. Other girls eyed him because Fernande was with him, but he only had eyes for her.
At the end of the night, Fernande let him kiss her and more. She was easy, and he could not believe his luck. Could not believe that it was this easy with her. He spent the entire summer fawning over her, the more he was with her and the more she let him do with her the more he was smitten.
“I can come up to your school to see you on weekends,” he said to her on the beach.
Fernande looked at him with that smile that made him soft inside.
“But I will have a real boyfriend by then!”
Rafe stared at her, mouth agape. Fernande kissed him, roses and juicy fruit filled his nose.
“I was your first Rafe, but I won’t be your last…”
That was the truth Rafe thought to himself, coming back to reality. But every time he smelled juicy fruit gum he thought of Fernande. His first but most certainly not his last, he thought as he pondered the drunk man beside him who smelled of juicy fruit and scotch…

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photo of picasso’s fernande by f dot leonora

Rafe hated that Eliza remained friends with Sandrine. He knew he could trust Sandrine with his life, but he was not as sure that he could trust that Eliza would not figure out one day that he had had many transgressions before Severine…including with Sandrine herself in the beginning of their relationship.
He had tried very hard to be only with Eliza, but it was just not natural to him. At first he thought he would be okay, but in an argument with Sandrine he fell apart.
“I told your new girlfriend as I am telling you, that you are not ever going to be faithful to her or anyone else. I did not even want it with you, and I could not keep you.”
The way she conceded, her eyes were wide but not moist. She just stared at him after she stated her truth.
He touched her face, and she put her hand over his. Being that close to her after she had been so honest, her soft scent that perfumed his thoughts even now. He remembered meeting her, being with her and he forgot everything in that moment. He wanted her. Sandrine was not yet friends with Eliza, so she had no problem letting him have her.
Even if he touched her now after all these years, it was like touching a live wire. But Sandrine did not want him now that she was friends with Eliza. She also did not think that what had happened that one time was anything to ruin her friendship with Eliza.
He lit a cigar in a bar where you could get away with that in New York City. Sandrine walked in, and he looked down at the table. They had made a conscious decision not to meet alone a long time ago, so when she summoned him he knew it was something serious.
The sound of her stilettos was the only sound he heard as she walked to the table, dulling out all the conversations and laughter about them. Dulling the sound of heavy glasses from hard drinks, there were not any elderflower or hibiscus cocktails here. Cigar in one hand, rye whiskey in the other was how he was armed as she sat down.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
He leaned over and kissed her cheek, felt the warmth flood where his lips touched her.
“Good to see you S,” he said.
“You sent Lizzie to me like a spy in the house of polyamorous love. You know Marcus has wanted to fuck her, if she wants a foursome are you prepared to handle that? What are you drinking?”
She picked up his whiskey and drained it, the heavy glass hitting the oak table with a thud.
Rafe set his cigar on the ashtray.
“I don’t make Eliza do anything. What I made her fuck this Oscar character? Marcus will have to get in line.”
“What did you do to her? She only wanted you, she was so in love with you and now she feels like she needs someone else? Of course you are fine with that, you probably waited to wear her down.”
Rafe ran his hand through his hair, then grabbed her wrist. Twisted her wedding band.
“Don’t you come in here preaching to me! What you think because you are married that you are some authority? Your marriage is open. If I came over to you and put my fingers in you, you’d lick your come off my fingers and be the same as you were when I was with you…and you know it.”
Sandrine laughed in his face, he let go of her hand.
“That’s all you have anymore isn’t it? You think you can hypnotize everyone with your dick, but that is all you are. A dick.”
She stood up, he stood up with her.
“You’re leaving?”
“I’m done.”
“You came all the way here to tell me I’m a dick?”
Sandrine put her hands to her chest as if for prayer.
“I am came here to meet a friend, but I do not know who you are anymore.”
The sound of her stilettos walking away from him was all he heard in the cigar bar.
He wasn’t sure who he was anymore either. What he wanted, what he was doing and he hated that Sandrine always called him out…
Correctly.

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whiskey via wikipedia

Eliza made her way up the winding path,nto the literally white picket fence that led to Sandrine’s house. She always teased her friend about it, because behind the fence literally was the cliché.
Her friendship with Sandrine was not immediate, but it did come after she had been with Rafe for awhile and Sandrine met Marcus who would end up being her husband. At that point, it was possible and they were able to be very good friends.
“Bienvenue,” Sandrine hugged her in the beautiful way that she did, when she opened the door. She walked slowly away in her colorful kimono, two children had done nothing but enhance her curves. The way Marcus leered at her whenever they were in public, showed that he saw his wife as a very gorgeous and desirable woman. Even when Rafe was around her, it was clear that there had been a deep connection.
But Eliza was not that concerned about that, she just really needed to see her friend. Looking at her on the sofa, semi-sprawled looking like she was a model for a Matisse, she noticed how much she looked like Severine. Not exactly the same, but similar and not just because both of them were French. Eliza watched the blooming bud in her teacup turn into a little flower, and took a small sip to savor as the petals tickled her lips.
“So this is what you want now, after all?” Sandrine raised her eyebrow at her friend. “I mean I was even surprised about Oscar when you told me. Not so much about the other woman, I was never sure that Rafe was going to be able to be a one-woman man. When I told you that when we were broken up, it was not to be mean. I knew him, I knew what he was like.
“I think I knew deep down too, but I wanted to believe he could. When we had the accident, we were both so angry at each other. Ever since, every time I try to imagine life without him…I can’t.”
“You love him.”
Nodding into her cup, Eliza agreed silently. She had never stopped loving Rafe, she was not sure she would ever stop loving him. But at the same time, she knew she was not ever going to be able to forget Oscar or let him go. She had been in touch with him constantly since he had left New York. He was in Shanghai again, and that always made her feel wistful since that was where she realized that she loved him.
“So what do you want me to tell you?” Sandrine put her cup of tea down, and searched her face. “More about Rafe and me? How it works with Marcus and I? How can I help?”
“Using my name in vain again sweet wifey?”
Marcus walked into the living room, and Eliza drank her tea like shots.
Sandrine had particularly good taste in men, and her started-out-waiter-cum-actor husband was magnetic. Especially when he looked at Eliza the way he did, with the focus that he gave to everything. Eliza looked away from him, before licking her lips and smiling at him. When he swooped down to kiss her, she was afraid she was going to have an accident on their couch.
But now, now that she was opening up her relationship, was it so terrible that she had always been super attracted to her friend’s husband? Studying the two of them together, Eliza sipped at her empty teacup hoping for some moisture from the cool teabag…

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white picket fence via wikipedia

Eliza stared at her ring. She remembered how she felt putting it on her finger for the first time. It looked alien, but everything it meant, meant everything to her.
Looking at her hand that covered Rafe’s, she never would have expected that… that after she saw him at the hotel with Oscar’s girl that they would ever talk again. That they would have a civilized conversation. That she would touch him again. But the lines of communication opened, and she realized oddly enough that she, they had come full circle.
When she first got together with Rafe, he was in an open relationship. He had agreed to be closed for their relationship, but clearly neither of them really wanted that. She had never expected that she would step outside of the relationship, but she had.
“Sandrine knew about you,” he said quietly, looking up from their hands to search her eyes. “Where I was most wrong, was not telling you what I was doing. That lack of communication was what caused everything I think.”
Eliza continued to look at her hand on top of his. At her ring, all the glints of light catching her eye.
“It was that I resented. I felt like you felt I had to compromise, and be everything you want because I made you be closed with me. I never thought I would want the same thing ever. To be with someone besides you.”
Rafe put his hand on top of hers.
“But I cannot imagine not being married to you Eliza, I cannot see a life before me that you are not part of.”
Eliza looked up at him, her eyes blurry from tears that wanted to fall down her face.
“I imagined you before you were mine,” she sniffled.
He rubbed her hand in pointed circles like he was zooming in on a target. His index finger caressed the diamond engagement ring he placed on her hand, making everything in her life involve him. It joined them without words. Because marriage was in the end only words, if you say the words and you are not committed it is just fraud.
She was never a fraud. If she had agreed to opening their relationship years ago she would have been, but now she was not. She was different, at least in a different place as a woman.
“The only thing is that if we open it up, we have to communicate. Communication is the main thing. That nothing is a secret. Because secrets close things up.” Rafe added as if he were giving a lecture in a hall.
Eliza nodded. Things had been closed around them for a long time. They were going to open everything up. Finally, and she believed they would be better on the other side of it all.
He brought her hand to his mouth, kissed the top of it, her knuckles and her ring.

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attraction ring by harry winston via harrywinston.com

Severine sat on the plane moments before passengers were allowed on. There was a small meeting, as there was a new flight attendant, Barbara. Eleanora, her former nemesis cum co-worker had given her pause to stop thinking about her own life events. Apparently, Eleanora had been conducting an affair with one of the married pilots. Severine had noticed they seemed especially close, but figured it was because Eleanora was an exceptional flirt. But she had sexted him and sent the picture accidentally to his wife–his wife’s mobile was one number different than his. His wife was close with his bosses, and Eleanora was immeadiately terminated.
Severine could not say she was unhappy to see her go, as she got up to walk over to Barbara and start welcoming passengers onboard. As each passenger went by, she was reminded that Oscar was not going to be on the flight. It made her sad. She had not been on an airplane without him since they met.
New York had been everything she expected it to be. Seeing their previous lovers was a good thing, it made them not think heavily about what they were together. They could just be, and not hurt each other. He had dinner with her the night after she had spent the night with Rafe, asked her how she was.
As much as she had tried to resist Rafe, she broke down as soon as she saw him in the bathroom while she was out to dinner with Oscar. She fell apart and even as she broke down, she tried to have a semblance of togetherness.
But it was not there.
The first time they had sex, she tried to be blasé…but the next time when Rafe tugged at her hair and choked her the way she liked, she could no longer resist him. She kissed everything of him her lips could touch. Her lips went everywhere on him, but love she would not declare. She no longer believed in love, everything she knew of it was so easily broken. Love was a myth like unicorns, or maybe it had existed once like dodo birds. But for her it was nonexistent. Sex was another thing, sex was very much alive and well.
Ubiquitous.
When every passenger was accounted for, she closed the door of the aircraft bound for Paris. She was very happy to be working the flight, and going home. New York was lovely. Her English was lovelier too, though heavily accented. But Paris was home. There was no place like home, sitting in her favorite café and lingering forever over a coffee.
Though she knew that if she closed her eyes, she would remember Oscar sitting beside her…or if she looked down in her cup, a tear might escape for Rafe.

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photo by f dot leonora