Mirror

“I think Alessandra is your spirit animal,” Rafe said as he poured vermouth into their mason jars, and Eliza stared at him agape.

“What are you even saying?” she said, taking a sip of the vermouth and taking in its herbaceousness. 

Her husband looked at her, taking off his apron.

“I mean, I think she is something that you want to be. Something about her that you admire, and that is why you are so obsessed with her.”

“I am not obsessed with Alessandra!” she denied as she looked at him, finally closing her mouth. “I have been through a lot with her and more than I should have been through for someone who is just a friend, don’t you think so?”

“I do think so, Eliza, but that does not mean that you do not admire her. From the time she got involved with Oscar, you were jealous of her, and then you friended her, then you wanted her–”

“I never wanted her Rafe, let’s be very clear about that.”

He sighed.

“Look, all I know is there is something deeper here, and I am not sure what it is.”

“I know,” Eliza finally conceded. “I know that there is something deeper here, and I am not sure what it is either.” Rafe took a sip of his own vermouth, and then he kissed her forehead. Eliza put her arms around him. “I do not know what it is about her, but she just got to me, you know?”

“Yes,” he agreed. “I know.”

“I am actually glad she is with Leon. Going to shows and seeing her was a lot to contend with because she is not a small shot in the art world, and we were so close at one point…”

Eliza remembered Alessandra seeing her get involved with Emmanuel, and she knew at that point that Alessa knew something about her that she did not know about herself. She knew her too well, and that was what made her so close to her because she felt like she knew her like she was like her. She was more animal with Alessa than she had been before her, and she had never done some of the things that she did with her with anyone else. Not being friends with her anymore meant that someone knew who she really was who could use that against her, and it made her feel small. 

She thought that she had made the most profound human connection with someone that was now not a part of her life. Who else would she be that person with? Was she even herself with Alessa? Rafe was her husband, and that was a deep but different kind of connection. Jeanne was her sister, but that was something different too. Oscar was her lover. Bibi was her daughter. But Alessa had been her mirror.

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