Wicked Wednesday #222 — Dear Diary

Maybe I wrote in invisible ink… “Invisible Ink” by Aimee Mann

Dear Diary, I did not want to tell him, I was going to do it all by myself. There were so many reasons, and I was almost fine to do it by myself. But I told him, I told him because he is my partner. I toLd him because it is…was ours and ours alone.

Rafe looked surprised, but not in the way I expected him to. I did not make my decision because I thought there was no chance. Or because I thought he would not make the decisions that I did. He looked surprised, but soft. He put his his hand on my stomach, but there was nothing there.

There was nothing now.

He said he would do whatever I wanted, that it was ours and whatever I wanted. What did I want? I was scared, I was happy, I was everything I could have been expected to be and nothing at all at the same time.

I lie down on Carla’s couch, silent, with my eyes closed thinking. Remembering as a little girl fantasizing about this very thing. About a special guy, about the ceremony with flowers and this very thing.

Rafe promised whatever I wanted he wanted and supported, and held me. He said he would be there, he never said that I had to…but I did…I do not know how to explain, but I had to…

Margaux put her fountain pen down, when the ink splattered with a tear from her eye. She reread what she wrote, and gulped. Without thinking about it, she ripped the pages out of her Moleskin.

She was sure she would not want to see those words again. If she needed to remember, her own nervous script would be memorized in her head and if she lost her memory…

She would be at peace…

More diary entries here:

moleskin via wikipedia