Present

Rafe held Bibi close to his knees. She was looking at Eliza who was playing with her daughter’s hair, and otherwise engaging the little girl making her giggle. He was pretty sure that Bibi was the only thing that was keeping Eliza sane after the miscarriage. They had not been there at the time, but Oscar was.

Oscar was always there.

He was not there now, because he went to get noodles for Eliza, which Rafe did not understand her obsession with eating noodles since those were the very noodles that she was eating when the miscarriage started. When she got up and went to the bathroom as she told him and saw the bleeding.

“And I knew,” she said. “I knew right away what was happening.” she told him when they were alone and had put Bibi to bed together. 

They were sitting together in the living room, he had made tea for them and she had her head on his lap. 

She was still close to him, that was not the issue. They had not made love yet since–his decision. He did not want to rush her. But they were close to each other all of the time. He took some time off to be with her.

He thought she would be alone, but he didn’t realize how much time Oscar would be there with her. The first day, Oscar gave her a bouquet–which he placed next to the bouquet that he had given her. It looked like they were in a florist shop because he kept bringing them for her and so did Oscar but they decided it seemed quietly to both smother her a bit.

But Eliza did not even need it, the only thing she seemed focused on was Bibi. The three of them would have dinner often in the evening. Oscar or Rafe cooking, and then one of them would get wine. And the three of them would drink and talk. It was becoming their norm, but Rafe felt bad that he had not been there and that Oscar had been. He was her husband, it was their baby, he should have been there.

“Rafe, where are you? You look so far away…” Eliza asked.

“I am right here,” he said as Bibi ran from him to take a peek outside the window. “Right here with you.”

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