Author Archives: F DOT LEONORA

Margaux was happy that she was wearing sunglasses. Even though her doctor had assured her that the spotting was normal, and that there was nothing to worry about…even though every time she saw a spot of blood on her undergarments, she felt nauseous and anxious. Her nerves about the spotting even placated her anxiety over needles, when her blood work was done. There was no way she could not be emotional, her choice had not been an easy one but it was the one that she felt she had to make.

She walked toward the restaurant to see Rafe, because he was worried about her. And because she wanted to see him. He was her partner, and made her feel comfortable and secure.

But before she had even really started walking to the restaurant, she saw Eliza.

Eliza studied her, and Margaux could see that she was unsure how to greet her. Margaux pulled from her feeble reserves, to walk toward Eliza with a warm smile she was far from feeling.

“Hi!” she forced, and hugged Eliza.

Eliza gripped her with the same force, that she had gripped her with.

“Hi,” Eliza said to her. “How are you?”

“Good,” Margaux lied. “Just coming from a doctor’s appointment.”

“Oh, I am heading to an appointment for work. Everything okay with you?”

Margaux felt nervous as Eliza continued to study her. The rest of their conversation came in a rush in her memory when they parted. She felt weak, as she continued walking to the restaurant to meet Rafe.

Rafe knew something was wrong with her as soon as he saw her. She sat beside him on the plush cushion by the window. She dry heaved with tears that would not come. Rafe held her tight, and kissed her temple.

“I am here baby, I am here…”

He kissed her temple and rubbed her back, as he ordered hot tea for her.

“The doctor said the bleeding was normal, nothing more than I should expect and she will email me the results to my blood work.”

“Good,” he kissed her temple. “Good.”

Margaux excused herself to go to the bathroom, Rafe barely let her go. His hand caressed her bottom for a moment before she walked away. In the bathroom, looking down at her panties spotted with blood, she could still feel Rafe’s lips on her temple.

And she thought what an amazing father he would be…

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needles via wikipedia

Maybe I wrote in invisible ink… “Invisible Ink” by Aimee Mann

Dear Diary, I did not want to tell him, I was going to do it all by myself. There were so many reasons, and I was almost fine to do it by myself. But I told him, I told him because he is my partner. I toLd him because it is…was ours and ours alone.

Rafe looked surprised, but not in the way I expected him to. I did not make my decision because I thought there was no chance. Or because I thought he would not make the decisions that I did. He looked surprised, but soft. He put his his hand on my stomach, but there was nothing there.

There was nothing now.

He said he would do whatever I wanted, that it was ours and whatever I wanted. What did I want? I was scared, I was happy, I was everything I could have been expected to be and nothing at all at the same time.

I lie down on Carla’s couch, silent, with my eyes closed thinking. Remembering as a little girl fantasizing about this very thing. About a special guy, about the ceremony with flowers and this very thing.

Rafe promised whatever I wanted he wanted and supported, and held me. He said he would be there, he never said that I had to…but I did…I do not know how to explain, but I had to…

Margaux put her fountain pen down, when the ink splattered with a tear from her eye. She reread what she wrote, and gulped. Without thinking about it, she ripped the pages out of her Moleskin.

She was sure she would not want to see those words again. If she needed to remember, her own nervous script would be memorized in her head and if she lost her memory…

She would be at peace…

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moleskin via wikipedia

Polly watched Oscar reading the complimentary English newspapers on the edge of her bed. She had woken up later than him, and was still naked under the covers. They had made it to her bed, after a very long night…

“Hand me the art section?” she asked sleepily.

The auction was later that evening, and she wanted to read everything about it in the paper. Polly was surprised when instead of handing her the newspaper, Oscar placed the paper on his lap and caressed her face.

“You’re beautiful…” he said, and she closed her eyes.

Polly rolled onto her back, and Oscar covered her within seconds. She gripped his back pulling him more to her. Her body remembered and relished him as a lover, and her mind was clear. Colin had told her that she could do whatever she wanted with Oscar, that it would make their relationship stronger. But Polly felt that she was not over Oscar, and she could not read his mind but he was making love to her like it mattered.

The newspaper crumbled under him, as he rolled onto his back, and she rolled on top of him. Oscar smiled, then kissed her. Polly sucked on his bottom lip, her fist landing onto the crumpled newspaper. She smiled as she realized what was happening between them was the latest news.

“Why are you smiling?” he asked her, tracing her lips with his finger.

“Secret smile,” she said, and felt said smile widen on her face.

“I’ll tickle it out of you!”
“You know I am not ticklish, that must be one of your other girls Jack…”
“You pretend not to be ticklish, and I give up because it is not fun after awhile…”

“I missed you,” Polly said without guile, again trying to read his face.

“I missed you…” He kissed her neck, and Polly closed her eyes as his mouth moved over her body with the intention to mark…

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new york times via wikipedia