Category Archives: meme

Surrender

It was supposed to be a one and done. It had been nice with him, Cleo knew his name because he had given her his card and it burned her fingers every time she touched it—because she remembered touching him. It was a souvenir in a way, like serial killers kept something of their victims, but of course this was not as sordid as that.

He was just a man she had had a one night stand with and that was that. But when she saw the jacket, and she saw the whisper of a tattoo that she knew. The line of a Pablo Neruda poem she had looked up because she had memorized that line after being in bed with him…she knew it was him.

To be honest, every time she saw a tattoo now she thought of him. Or maybe she wanted him again, she was being honest to herself now and this was not the pristine version for public consumption.

She wanted him.

She clutched her purse, and was about to get up. He would think she was a lady of leisure or something because he always found her sitting at a bar in the middle of the day. It was a habit that she had now to drink a glass of wine if she was so inclined in the middle of the afternoon like she had had with him. He had changed her, Cleo had to admit he had changed her. He had changed how she looked at things, and how she acted.

When he saw her, his expression was calm. No lift of the eyebrow, or quirk of his lips. He walked over to her, and took her hand.

Before he could say a word, before he could direct this narrative, Cleo took a sip of her wine and kissed him. Now she felt he was not expressionless, as he pulled her close. He kissed her and caressed her face, sucking on her lower lip as he cupped her breast.

“I missed you,” she said, biting her lower lip.

“I gave you my card.”

“I was afraid.”

As soon as she said it, she realized she had been. She was not his type. The woman that he was trying to exorcise himself of was nothing like her.

“Afraid that I would split you open?”

“I want that…”

He smiled, and she could see more of his tattoo as he did.

“I want you.”

Surrender had never been so sweet, as she finished the wine—one he had suggested in their first and only meeting—and followed him.

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Magic

He was not someone she ordinarily would have been attracted to, or someone she even would have met.

Cleo had been stranded and there was nowhere else for her to occupy herself as a client had cancelled at last minute. Feeling the way that she had been at the time, she easily sat at the dive bar right at the barren midday bar. Since the only wine on the menu was a miniature bottle of a wine she did not like, she wanted to see if the bartender had Campari.

He was sitting diagonal from her and his acumen about wine left her breathless. Looking at him she would not have guessed that he was an expert. He was actually the sommelier for a restaurant nearby, and this was his favorite dive bar in the neighborhood.

He of course invited her to his restaurant and ordered their food—and of course their wine pairings. Cleo was intoxicated from the scent and taste of the wine, even before she was tipsy. Even after he had her just taste a few and spit it out.

Sitting close to her he smelled like leather and cigarette smoke, which was her ultimate masculine scent and even more intoxicating to her clouding her focus. He had random piercings—one she would not find out about until later that evening—and a tattoo peeking from under his leather jacket.

Wanting him had been dictated by time and place. If she had not been stood up by her client, she never would have met him. She would not be on her side now looking at him. He reached between his legs to cup himself. He told her it lulled him to sleep, and he did it while he was asleep unconsciously sometimes.

His tattoo in plain sight now, was a line from a Pablo Neruda poem, and she wondered who he was fucking out of his mind through fucking her? Hopefully fucking each other was enough of a form of magic to make their demons disappear…

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Canvas

There was nothing that she had read in any of her Women’s Studies books that would approve of what she was doing. But Cleo had needed to do what she had done.

Clarissa her best friend in most of those classes was a staunch feminist, and would have been particularly appalled, but naked except for her leopard print matching bra and thong? Cleo was satiated and heavy, curled in a half fetal position on the strange bed.

She did not know the name of the man who had a towel about his waist and let her sleep in his bed. From the stickiness of drool she felt dried on her cheek, she supposed she had slept hard. She watched his reflection in the bathroom mirror shaving, and she felt herself throb inside from where he had entered her body.

She needed him, her nipples hardened and she threw the covers off of her and leaned naked against his bathroom door. He took his time with the process of his grooming, and she was completely absorbed until he spoke to her.

“Your nipples are hard,” he said, after a while of her watching him.

“They are not alone…”

He put down his aftershave, and touched himself. He touched himself, and she felt like he had touched her. She touched herself mirroring him, and he stalked her. The darkness in his eyes, and the darkness she knew he was capable enveloped her. That was what Cleo had wanted. Someone who was not Oscar or Cadmus. A man who like herself, just wanted to be covered in the night with another person. Someone who was a blank canvas albeit dark to paint with passion.

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The Truth

The truth was that she needed him.

Even after she knew that she and Cadmus were over, Cleo still needed him in her life. She did not talk to him as much as before, but they still talked a lot more now that things had calmed down. Oscar did not seem to mind as much that she was on the phone with him so often.

“I guess it is like me and Eliza,” he stated simply.

Cleo paused, wine glass in hand and her face filled with heat.

“You and Eliza?” she replied.

“We have been friends for such a long time, I cannot imagine my life without her.”

“So you dated her?” She said casually getting up to get more wine to distract herself.

He nodded she saw peripherally, and the truth that she had suspected made her skin burn like she wanted to tear it off of her. But she did not say anything to him. She had spent so much time lost in her own situation, that she completely stopped paying attention to what was so clear.

She had not imagined that liaison between him and Eliza at Bibi’s birthday party. It had happened, and he had been smearing it all throughout their relationship. Eliza was always around.

Always, with her husband or not.

She grasped her wine glass so hard she broke it.

She wanted to break something, she wanted the pain to counter what she was feeling.

“Cleo?!”

She just looked at the blood trickling over her life and love lines on her palm. He wrapped her hand in a towel and she felt numb. Numb to his ministrations, and numb to everything around her. She needed to call Cadmus…

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Automatic

Zara could not keep her eyes off of the man across from her in the cafe. They had exchanged several looks at this point, and she was not opposed to making the first move but being mad at her boyfriend Cadmus…this guy had to make the first move.

He did.

It was a boost because part of the argument with Cadmus had been his not making her feel like she was desirable enough. This guy definitely found her desirable enough. When he approached her, she put her hand over his mouth and shook her head.

He looked perplexed, but he let her take his hand. The music in the cafe was soft and soothing, but the look in his eyes was anything but and she bit her lip with the excitement that she felt. She squeezed his hand, and he squeezed hers even harder.

“l-“ he started.

She put her fingers on her lips and his.

He smiled.

There was no need to talk because then no promises could be made, nothing. Nothing could be broken.

Except vows never to be spoken.

She clutched his biceps, his muscles and the blur of a tattoo that she did not study because she did not want to remember enticed her nonetheless though this was not really happening.

She caressed his lips with her finger, but not with her mouth. It was mechanical the way that their bodies joined, but it did not matter. The pleasure was automatic too. Their bodies moved like machines that knew their position and motion. She needed the release and they worked perfectly together. He cradled her breasts and rubbed her clit, as they avoided looking at each other in the mirror of the cafe bathroom. The scent of gardenia mixed with sex, and Zara would never forget it.

It was over between her and Cadmus, but she was desirable.

She was filled with desire.

Filled with desire, Mathilde was not sure how to describe the sound that came from her as Cadmus cradled her breasts. She had mused in a cafe earlier, after she walked out of the hotel after their first major fight since getting back together. She remembered how she had handled it all those years ago but this time, this time she wanted to get past that and she wanted to work on it this time.

She did not want to lose him a second time.

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Their New Normal

“Do you ever miss Cleo?” Mathilde looked at Cadmus, and saw his jaw tense.

“I know I gave you every reason not to trust me in the past, but you cannot keep asking me about Cleo.” he said, his face stern.

“You paid for her to come to Paris while we were reconciling, I think I have every right to ask you about her? I know you were fucking her right before we met again, and you know I am not as rigid about that. If you still wanted her, you could still be with her.”

“And you?”

“Yeah,” she licked her lips nervously.

“Was there someone else for you because I want you. Unless you want to be with someone else? I only can be with one woman at a time.”

“Okay,” she said and continued to hold his hand.

“And that is you.”

Stopping in the middle of the park, Mathilde looked up at him, searching his eyes for a very long time. He let her, and there was barely any emotion on his face or in them. Like he was hoping she was placated.

“I just broke up with Cleo, there was some codependency stuff that we had and we fell into that. But she was with someone else, and she went back to him. And I want to be with you.”

Still searching his eyes, he looked at her still expressionless. And it was easy for her to fall into that role, and the way that he had made her feel in the past, it was tempting to act like she did not care again.

“I want to be with you, I always wanted to be with you…” she said instead not playing a role.

He caressed her shoulders, and kissed her lips so soft that she thought they melted.

This was their new normal, trying to be honest. Trying to be together and not think about the past. Even when the past was still on his phone which she had not wanted to see, and he had not hid but if he told her that he wanted her that was what she wanted to believe. Under the shadow of a huge tree, his hand down the front of her pants made her labia feel like it was melting like her lips had from her heat and wetness.

This felt normal, it always had felt normal to her to have him. To have him touch her like this, to have him touch her, feel her hot and wet for him. It felt normal to fight with him, and not believe him but have him.

And to be his…

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Statistic

It was like deja vu for Oscar. This it was him who was showing up to Cleo’s to make sure she was okay, like Eliza had done for him a few days ago.

He used his key which he was thankful that he had because, he was not sure that Cleo would have opened the door for him. And from the looks of it she would not have.

Cleo was lying on her side facing a wall, and he felt a dark feeling in the pit of his stomach—especially after losing Chloe.

But then she shifted, and he moved closer to the bed.

“Cleo? It’s me, I used my key…”

Cleo turned around, her body in a state of semi-undress in a thin slip.

“What are you doing here? I thought you would be done with me…” she heaved.

He sat on the edge of the bed.

“I know you were back and no one saw you and I know that you were upset.”

“You mean my depression, and you wanted to make sure I was not a statistic.”

Oscar swallowed.

“I’ve been in love with you Cleo, I don’t wish you any harm. I certainly did not come here expecting to find you dead.”

Cleo touched his thigh.

“I treated you so badly, I am ashamed…”

She started to heave more and then her face morphed back into the face of tears he could see was there before.

He crawled onto the bed, and held her close.

“Cleo, love makes fools of us all.”

She continued to heave and then looked up at him. He wiped a tear from her mouth, and she gasped and kissed him. He had not meant to make her think that he wanted to kiss her—but she kissed him. Her hand on his thigh again, kneading and moving up his thigh.

“Cleo…I did not come here to…”

“But I want you to…”

Her hand kneading his crotch made it hard for him

to deny her.

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You’ve Changed

You don’t trust me, was the worst thing he could have said to her. Mathilde looked at Cadmus with dark eyes, and he knew that he had said the wrong thing.

When she was younger aside from him making her feel like she was desperate and clingy, every time she questioned how he felt he would say something like you don’t trust me when she asked if there was someone else. There never was that she knew of, but the way he made her feel was not much better—empty and like the person that obviously loved more in their relationship.

He pulled her close to him.

“I cannot make up for everything, I cannot make the past go away but I promise never to hurt you like that ever again. You are here with me, doesn’t that mean you want this to work? That you want me?”

“I always wanted you…I never have wanted anyone like I wanted you. I have never been the same since you left me…”

“You have changed, but you are still so beautiful inside and outside. No one ever loved me like you do.”

“Cleo?”

“She doesn’t love me like you do.”

He kissed her neck, and Mathilde pulled her hair away from her neck so he could kiss her there without getting her long dark hair in his mouth. The hair she thought hid her from her past, but had not hidden her from anything.

“You’ve changed too,” she said, kissing his neck her hands between his legs and she was not ashamed of letting him know what she wanted…

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billie holiday via wikipedia

Another Place

“Are you okay?”

Rafe looked at her when she walked back into the apartment.

She was not okay.

She had gone to Oscar’s to soothe him from his heartache, and instead, they argued about their relationship. Her unexpected jealousy over Cleo which she should have recognized earlier. They eventually ate in silence and embraced. They would be okay, but she had not gone there to fight so she was a bit shaken up.

“I will be,” Eliza looked at her husband with soft eyes, and wrapped her arms about him. “I love you,” she said softly looking into his eyes. When she married him, she remembered that she knew that he was the one that she could look at with certainty and know that she loved him and wanted to be with him and that he was forever for her.

“I love you,” he said, punctuating his sentiment with a kiss.

Their apartment smelled delicious, and she knew that he had made something delicious for them, but the taste of his mouth against hers filled something much more in her. Rafe took her hand, and they went to the bedroom where things escalated rapidly.

“I want to be full of you…” Eliza purred.

“That was exactly what I was intending,” he smiled and she looked at his familiar erection and thought of the pleasure that he gave her when he put it inside of her.

She took his hand and kissed it over and over again. Rafe groaned and he looked at her with gentle eyes.

“You want this,” he made a fist, and she felt herself clench with the ache for it as he did.

It took them awhile, when he penetrated her like that. He did not always even get all the way in, but having his penis inside her was a different sensation than having his fist. Besides, she wanted to be close to him and she loved the way their lovemaking seemed endless when he fisted her. They looked at each other and touched each other in other ways, and after he held her close and kissed her temples asking her if she was okay–was it good for her?

It was always good for her with him.

“Eliza,” he said her name and it sounded thick to her like through a dream.

She had gone to another place…

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Now

To anyone looking, they looked like a couple terribly in love all throughout Paris. Lovers in Paris—what a shocker!

Mathilde knew that her expression definitely contributed to that. The way she clung to Cadmus, and the way that he held her to him. Once out of the corner of her eye, she saw a man taking a picture of them by the Seine. At that moment, could he capture the lust in her eyes? The gape of her mouth, as she felt Cadmus hard against her and needing him right then? Cadmus’ dark lust was not on view for the camera, but was for her eyes only.

It was all love for the camera, and behind the scenes too. When they were alone, they smoldered the same way.

The frame of their hotel room felt like fire when they returned to it. Their proximity as they were both so eager to get inside and at each other. His lips would rest on her temple or neck, and she would combust.

His touch was so incendiary.

She needed him, even as she did not know if she trusted him. If she trusted him not to break her heart.

Again.

Before she left, Mathilde was sure that she saw Cleo’s shadow at their door and heard a scratch at the door before the sound of heels walking away dragging a suitcase down the hall.

For now, she was the one he was set on fire, she was the one that he wanted now. He touched her and she felt him like flames. He wanted her like he had never wanted her before, but it was only now. Now was not an infinite period of time.

It was just now.

He kissed the tip of her spine, and his hand moved up the sides of her ribs until she burned.

She wanted to burn…

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